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Through My Lens: New Mainers face a dismal dating scene – pressherald.com

Dating in Maine seems to be only for those who share a common culture and goals.

Most Mainers have only been exposed to people from Black and brown communities through news stories, and that seems to be one of the challenges of interracial and intercultural dating in the state. While this challenge is also true among the different cultures of people considered New Mainers, it is a much bigger and more complicated problem when it comes to New Mainers dating those in white communities.

Abdi Nor Iftin is a Somali-American writer, radio journalist and public speaker. He lives in Yarmouth.

The political discourse of the last few years has impacted how minorities are seen. Think about all the stories we’ve heard on the news lately – Americans have been exposed to an endless stream of stories about race on social media. Many progressives are providing more help and support to minorities, yet the gap seems to be widening in the romantic world of these different cultures.

Mainers have their own perception of immigrants and asylum seekers because these communities are usually portrayed by the media as culturally detached, with people who live their own strict rules that should be respected. This made many white people feel scared of interacting with these communities. There is the widespread view that New Mainers marry only among themselves and want to have children who will speak their own languages and practice their culture. The truth is, we are not as strict as the media portrays us.

For a few years now I had been going out on dates, and the common question white Maine women ask about is what I like about America. What my favorite American food is, or American music, or American movies. Clearly, these are Mainers who are a bit frightened and want to make sure that I like what they like.

Maine women list a number of things they want and don’t want in a relationship. I remember when a woman on one date said she wanted an adventurous person who would go camping for days, or even on trips to Europe. How many New Mainers have the financial means and the courage to do these types of things? It is white privilege to do certain things and that can disqualify New Mainers as dates in this state.

Even being a fully integrated U.S. citizen does not satisfy the requirements of dating in Maine at times. Therefore, we often find ourselves explaining things during a date like it’s an interview. Is America my permanent home? Do I ever want to go back to Somalia?

One thing I learned in the years I’ve been dating in this state is that Maine women particularly don’t like differences, they like similarities. If I say I don’t go to bars and I would rather meet at coffee shops, this may seem to them as if I am culturally not outgoing or restrained by religion or culture.

Everyone should know that we New Mainers …….

Source: https://www.pressherald.com/2021/12/21/through-my-lens-new-mainers-face-a-dismal-dating-scene/

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Trope Tuesday: Fake Dating – The Young Folks

We have talked about the enemies-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers, and forbidden love tropes. This week, we will be discussing another one of our favorite young adult tropes: fake dating. 

Motivation behind the “fake date”

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